Understanding What Divides & What Unites You: Couples Counseling With Purpose

Couples may be attracted to each other, may have feelings for each other, and may even claim to love each other. However, love is more than a feeling, and staying together requires more than emotion. After a long time, couples drift apart because they did not know and do not understand that it takes much more than feelings to stay together.

It is also important to understand what unites you and what divides you, and how the two of you can still make the relationship work if you really want to make it work. Here are some examples of what divides and unites most couples.

Complacency Divides

Becoming complacent in a relationship is quite common. One or both persons get very comfortable with the relationship and then becomes complacent. The other person could then feel resentful and begin looking for comfort, solace, and affection elsewhere. When the two of you sit down in counseling, you are able to pinpoint who is being complacent and who is not communicating his/her needs more often. Relationships take a lot of work, and complacency can ruin even the best relationships. 

Routine Divides

Couples settle into routines over time. It is human nature to become routine about everything, including meals together and sex. While there are some things you simply cannot avoid being routine, such as work schedules and activities with the children (if applicable), all of the remaining time is available to be less than routine. Find some moments in a day a few times a week to do something with each other that is not routine, like meet for lunch, send each other flowers, or have surprise sex in a location you have never had sex before.

One more thing: never schedule sex. While one partner might look forward to the nights where sex is expected, it might get tiresome, bothersome, and boring for the other person. Sex should never be a routine. Couples counseling could help you unlock what the other person may need and want from sex that currently isn't happening.

Reignite Passions You Share to Unite

People meet in all kinds of places. What did you two love doing before, right when you met? Was it at a superhero comic-con? Maybe you met for coffee at a bookstore because you both love to read? Maybe you are both artists who feed off of each other's drive to create art? Where did all of that go? Find it again, and it will unite you. A counselor could ask questions to help you brainstorm if necessary.

If you're interested in couples counseling, contact services such as The Counseling Group PL to schedule an appointment.